I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
