woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You made out with two different species that night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
