ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize