While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
