I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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