it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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