i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
