You're so nebulous sometimes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
