Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
