I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
