They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
