i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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