He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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