SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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