You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
