Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
