In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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