Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sext me about skeletons
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
