K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
