you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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