its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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