new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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