my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
