true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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