I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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