So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
