whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
