Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
