The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
