You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
