I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
