if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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