There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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