There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
