FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ttyl tear gas
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
