I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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