I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
