New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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