I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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