girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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