I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You ruined the universe
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
