god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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