we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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