you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
