New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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