Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
