Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
