I puked a lego.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
