i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.