WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.