I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
