idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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