There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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