dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
