your thong is hanging out like whoa
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
