I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
