hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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