I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
