I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
