so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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