kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
