There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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