I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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