I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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