I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
