Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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