hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
