Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
