Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
