omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize