He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
