He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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