Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
