At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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