Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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