i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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